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 In this battle, Reyka, the Ice Princess from
the third season episode "Castles in Space," is pitted against the marzipan-eating Princess from
the second season episode "The Thief of Outer Space." Who will win? Let’s see . . .
In the Lost in Space world, every true princess lies in a state of sleep or suspension . . . until she is "awakened" by Dr. Smith, the Robot, or one of the Robinsons. Enclosed in a sarcophagus of ice, Reyka has been shipped to a distant planet and placed in a cave. Her royal parents wanted to avoid Reyka’s being kidnapped by a bandito like Chavo. Yet Dr. Smith’s irresponsible use of his thermal blanket interrupts Reyka’s sweet sleep . . . The marzipan-eating Princess has been "sitting, sitting, sitting" in a gilded, bejeweled bottle for over 200 years. Being the Caliph’s daughter, she was stolen away by the evil Vizier and stuffed into the gilded bottle. For 200 years, she has been sought by the Thief from Outer Space. (We’ll overlook the Irwin Allenesque illogic exhibited by this episode: since the gilded bottle was debris from the very asteroid that the Thief himself inhabits, why wouldn’t the Thief and his golden arrow have discovered the Princess a long time ago? In classic Lost in Space-style, the Thief is in need of Will and Penny Robinson’s help to figure things out.)
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terms of both brains and beauty, Reyka the Ice Princess would win
in a catfight with the marzipan-eating Princess. The latter, seen only at the end of
"The Thief from Outer Space," is a rather pathetic figure. Overweight and
lonely, she is rejected first by the Thief, next by Dr. Smith, and finally by the Robot. In contrast,
although Reyka is initially frightened of the Robinson party and of Chavo, she
wields her ice spear with aplomb and—after unintentionally placing the
Robinson party in a heap of trouble—she cuts a striking pose and calls to
the "cold and distant planet" from which she hails, enabling herself to be
whisked home. (Perhaps actress Corinna Tsopei got her SAG card from doing this
episode; does one line of "alien" dialogue count?)
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Two more Lost in Space princesses are awakened by the Robinson party . . . this time by Will Robinson (in the first season episode "The Lost Civilization") and by the Robot (in the third season episode "Princess of Space"). The little Princess from "The Lost Civilization" is a classic Sleeping Beauty, a concept to which the Robot alludes. Under considerable duress, Will kisses the young Princess to awaken her . . . and soon finds that he has been yoked into becoming the Princess’ consort. Chafing at the idea, Will argues that he is too young to get married and that he wants to continue having fun (a quality of life which he thinks the married state does not contain). Although the Princess is slightly baffled by the concept of fun, she does assent to Will’s plea: she lets Will and his father go . . . but she keeps Don West in constraints. (If Judy knew about this, fur would sure fly! Meow! Hiss!) Princess Alpha (from "Princess of Space") is as committed to her state-driven duties as is the Princess from the Lost Civilization. Unfortunately, Princess Alpha is not able to pursue her duties as, unbeknownst to the Robinson party (for two and a half seasons!), she "sleeps" as a piece of computer tape . . . housed in the Robot! (Someone in addition to Aeolus 14 Umbra’s Dr. Zachary Smith tampered with the Robot before the launch!) Toward the end of "Princess of Space," it looks as if Penny will leave the Jupiter 2 expedition and begin her faux reign as Princess Alpha . . . but the Robot saves the day. The real Princess appears, and Angela Cartwright takes a Patty Duke-like turn, portraying the dual roles of Penny Robinson and Princess Alpha.
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 The winner of a catfight between Princess Alpha
and the Princess of the Lost Civilization would be . . . Princess Alpha.
Princess Alpha wields her scepter with much more power and understanding
than does the little Princess. (You don’t have to be a conspiracy theorist to realize
that the little Princess is really only the Lost Civilization's puppet dictator—with the Majordomo actually calling all of the shots.)
Just as Princess
Alpha quells the computer uprising, she would quell the little
Princess in a catfight (although the little Princess gets some points for her attempted
detainment of Don West). |
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Lost in Space featured some faux royalty—imposters to the crown. In "Princess of Space," Penny agrees to pretend she is a princess to save the lives of Don, Judy, and Dr. Smith, who have been reduced to computer tape by Captain Kraspo. She sure looks lovely dressed up as a princess, doesn’t she? But we all know that she is really our kind, sensitive, and sensible Penny Robinson—not some space princess.
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Me and my Ma get dressed up toward the end of the first season episode "The Space Croppers"; we take off our ragged clothing and put on regal garb. Why? We’re preparing to feast on the plants that we have been growing—the plants that will be consuming "every living thing" (vegetable and animal) on Priplanus, including that pesky Robinson family. We will then reign over Priplanus as the AgriQueen and AgriPrincess (my brother Keel will, of course, remain our serf). Unfortunately, the Robinsons get their freezing units out and kill all of our plants before the plants can consume everything on the planet. Thus, our reign as AgriQueen and AgriPrincess on Priplanus is cut short, and we take off for another planet to start our spacecropping all over again.
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 In
"Castles in Space," we see an imposter try to steal Reyka the Ice Princess’
crown. Well, perhaps we shouldn’t locate agency with the imposter herself, since Dr.
Smith and the Robot are really behind this coup. The Robot creates a "waxwork
dummy" whom Dr. Smith will take to Chavo’s campsite, attempting to fool Chavo
into believing that this waxwork dummy señorita is the princessa he seeks.
Despite the Robot’s admonitions ("Hold her up, Dr. Smith! Hold her up!")
and Dr. Smith’s feminine vocalization ("Over heeeeere, honey!"), Chavo gets
wise to their game, and the faux princess’ reign is over! |
